Petulance

This Past Week

Well, the big news is that we met with the chemotherapy doctor again, and learned about part two of the chemo treatments. There are five three-week cycles planned, taking me from this Thursday until about the middle of December. Each cycle will start with about 2.5 hours of IV chemo at our local hospital, alongside twice-daily pills of the same kind I was taking during my first treatment. I do the pills for two weeks and then the third week is a break before we go again.

Common side effects are hand/foot dryness and soreness (again), diarrhea (again), and nausea (again). A new thing is that over time I may develop an extreme sensitivity to cold — something about my nerve endings being all worked up — and I’ll have to avoid cold foods and touching cold things. Easy to do, heading into a Manitoba winter and all. No problem! The guidelines even mention wearing gloves to get food out of the fridge or freezer. Definitely no cold water, as it may cause throat spasms.

On the plus side, I’m still not likely to lose my hair.

If the side effects become too harsh we have options to move to an easier form of chemo that unfortunately does mean more time in hospital, and there’s also some flexibility with the timeline.

I’ve written before about trying to remain optimistic, and meet the challenges presented to me with calm determination. This time, I’m really not doing so well with that. I’ve been pretty open with folks in my life that I don’t want to do this. I’m going to, of course. Maybe as I settle into this new routine for the next three months I’ll find some measure of inner calm and strength. But right now I’m harrumphing and crossing my arms and pouting like a child. “Don’ wanna!” And, honestly, everyone I’ve expressed this to has said “You know, that’s understandable,” which is actually kind of nice.

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It hasn’t helped that the week surrounding this appointment and new schedule has been very difficult in our house. I mentioned last time that Avery was sick — well, later that night, after finishing my post, Lori and I both got walloped by the same bug and spent Monday lying around feeling sorry for ourselves. (Blessedly, we were able to find places for the kids to go for the day).

We’ve spent the rest of the week playing catch-up on sleep and energy, and then on Wednesday we absorb a big emotional impact. I mean, I knew this second round of treatment was coming, but actually getting a schedule and going over side effects makes it more real somehow. I spent much of the week in a low place. It’s all been a lot! Fortunately this weekend has gone pretty well, and I’ve made some good memories with both of the kiddos.

Looking Ahead

Well, like I said, I’m starting the new treatment this Thursday. I’m also awaiting a followup call from the radiation doctor in a couple of weeks. Also, since I probably won’t be able to have an ice cream cake for my birthday in November, I’m thinking of getting one this week to celebrate just a little early.