Doing What We Can

As I write this there are eleven days remaining until my surgery. I’ve been preparing by reading materials from the Manitoba Ostomy Program, which addressed a lot of common questions and went over daily life in a plain, matter-of-fact kind of way. I’ve also been preparing by downloading movies and TV shows at 4 a.m., because I had a nasty head cold and couldn’t sleep. I’ve had at least one moment of total, overwhelming “I can’t do this” while emptying the cat’s litter tray. And we’ve been making logistical preparations for the kids and the dog.

(I’ve just realized that there’s an entire day where nobody is looking in on the cat. I better get that sorted!)

It isn’t the only thing on our minds but it’s also never far away. As with other times in this journey, I’m trying to focus on the things I can control, and stay present for the other moments of my life. This journal actually makes that slightly more difficult — while outdoors with my kids this afternoon, I kept falling into a mental loop. It went like this:

1. “Whoops, my mind’s wandering, but it’s probably better to pay attention and stay present for their fun and enrichment.”
2. “Hm, what if I wrote about that struggle in my journal later? I could say…”
3. [return to 1]

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The CancerCare Manitoba Foundation donation blitz that used my story and pictures seems to have wound down. (That link probably won’t feature me forever, so if you’re reading this in the future it likely doesn’t feature me anymore. But right now it does!) Overall, I’m happy with the experience; they made good use of what I supplied and were very attentive to our feedback on drafts of the fundraising emails. Because I am on the CCMB mailing list already, I was also part of of the mass-mailing of my own story; it was a little funny to get messages like this:

Other opportunities to help the Foundation may come along in the future and I’ll definitely consider them as they arise. Right now, it’s a little tough to think beyond this month. I keep saying I want to help the next person with a diagnosis, but what I’m specifically thinking of is…medicated wipes. When I was undergoing radiation treatments last summer, trips to the bathroom became very painful. Some of the discomfort was mitigated by these nice medicated wipes that the radiation techs started giving me before I’d head home. They weren’t stingy with the packages either; I’d get a couple every time I asked.

Look, it’s minor and might sound silly, but it was a way that helped me feel like I mattered to the folks looking after my treatments. It was something above-and-beyond the reason I was there each day. The Foundation talks a lot about your donations funding research in the province, and that’s great! But I also know those packages of wipes have got to come from somewhere too. Someone somewhere paid for them, and I was very grateful to get them for free to make my own journey a little easier.

So, if my story gets someone to chip in even a few bucks, and those few bucks turn into a package of wipes that makes someone else’s journey easier — I’m all for it.