still recovering lol

“Progress! Why can’t you be linear!” I have said aloud, to nobody in particular, many times.

The good news is that I’m healing well. I’ll have a gnarly scar from my navel to about my waistband area, but my mobility is getting better and better. My stitching is still uncomfortable to sit on, and my current office time tops out at two hours before I really need to change position and have a lie-down.

Yes, I have returned to work during this time! Or at least, in a limited capacity. I’ve probably mentioned before that people are consistently surprised that I’ve been continuing to do my job in the past year, and especially post-surgery. I have been fortunate to have work-from-home options and an extreme amount of time flexibility with my job. As long as I’m making sure the critical stuff gets done in a timely fashion, the rest of the Jelcan Inc. management team is willing to give me a lot of freedom to come and go as needed.

The problem with this arrangement these days is a problem of my own making: setting boundaries for my self-care and healing is hard! More than once I’ve been sitting unsteadily in my home office chair, sweaty and uncomfortable, pushing myself “just a bit further” so I can finish a particular task and then go lay down. If I had just taken complete time off from my job I might be able to relax more easily. As it is, I might sometimes cut my resting short because of a to-do list hanging over my head. Again, this is a Me Problem; nobody else is pressuring me to get back in the saddle as soon as I have been. (In fact, we had a backup plan in case I was incapacitated by surgery for much longer than I was, but we never used it.)

I’ve gotten a little better at taking care of myself over the course of this journey, but you know. Progress there isn’t linear either. Progress! Be more linear!!

The above leads me back to something I’ve been wondering about this week, which is, how has this journey changed me? Lori and I were chatting about this the other day. I’m sure it has changed me, and possibly still is, but I also think I’m still too close to it to know how. It’s not something I’m worried about or spending a lot of time on, more of an idle curiosity. One day I’ll look back and see it.