Playing the Cancer Card

Treatment Progress Update: I was supposed to have started my fifth and final cycle this week but there was a slight complication — more on that in the body of this post. I’m feeling really well and drinkin’ cold stuff right out of the fridge. Not looking forward to losing this ability again come Tuesday, but I am looking forward to it being the last time I’ll lose it.

Something I’ve generally tried not to do is ‘play the cancer card’; Meaning, I try not to demand special treatment or status because of my illness. I think I’ve written a bit about this before.

This last Monday, however, there was the complication I mentioned. I met with my family doc in the morning to do a pre-op checkup regarding the surgery that is likely to happen early next year. This wasn’t a physical exam in the sense that I expected — mostly just a big questionnaire that we both had to fill out. While I was there I asked for a flu shot, as I am immuno-suppressed and cold/flu season is in full swing. They gave me a High Dose and I went away satisfied.

Well. That afternoon I developed a persistent cough and started shivering uncontrollably for several hours straight, while my temperature climbed into the (low) fever regions. We wondered aloud if it was just me reacting to the flu shot, but here’s the thing: when you have cancer they will tell you that if you have even a mild, low-grade fever, you need to get yourself into the E.R. immediately. It could be nothing, but it could also be a clue to a more serious infection happening somewhere in the body that could greatly complicate matters. Then, they give you a pink card that has your name and treatment details and some instructions for the attending E.R. physician. One of the instructions is that you are to be seen as quickly as possible.

So it’s a literal cancer card.

We called in Lori’s folks to watch the kids and off we went to the hospital, which was already having a pretty busy night. And yes, I brought the card, and showed it to the triage nurses. I was whisked in and put through various tests (blood, urine, X-rays of my chest) with relatively little wait time between stops. As a people-pleaser it did not necessarily feel good to be shuttled past folks that looked like they’d been waiting a long time, but all along I was assured by staff that coming in was the right call and that I wasn’t abusing the system in any way.

We did still end up being there for a couple of hours in total, what with waiting for test results and talking to the doctors & nurses. Still, I definitely walked out past people in the waiting area who had been there when I came in. In the end I was prescribed a short course of antibiotics, which ended up delaying the IV chemo treatment I was supposed to have had the next day. They didn’t want to overlap the chemotherapy & antibiotics, apparently. This was disappointing, as I had been looking forward to being over my treatments by Christmas Day and now…I’ll still be feeling a bit yucky.

Still, I get a good New Years’ 🙂

(As an epilogue: the cancer ward called me a few days later and said they’d talked to my family doc and learned about the high dose flu shot. We agreed that it was probably the culprit. “That wasn’t in the notes from the ER”, they said, and I am not sure because I feel like I definitely mentioned it? But anyway, they said I could stop the antibiotics immediately and get ready to get treated on Tuesday next.)

The kind of person I am is one that historically has not liked to make waves or take up too much space. My illness makes that mission much more difficult. I needed rides to the city in summertime, I need to take more downtime to look after myself, I need time off from work for appointments. Even getting priority access to the E.R.. All of these things, I start to tell myself, increase the burden and workload of people around me, and how dare I do that? But I would happily do what I could for family and friends in the same predicament. Maybe one day I will have an opportunity to pay it forward. Maybe I will not, and will simply have to accept the kindness and generosity of those who carried me when I couldn’t walk on my own.

Either way, I’m continuing to try and convince myself that I can take up space in the world. The work will probably continue well after this ‘cancer’ business is behind me. C’est la vie!